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May 20, 2012

A husband's love

Today we had a bad day.  Just when you think some of the pain and heartache has gone after loosing 2 babies it comes to the surface when you really don't expect it.  Today I found out my husband had been keeping a secret from me for the past few months.  One of his senior colleagues at work had a baby not long after our first son was to be born.  I had often asked about her but he was vagued and would move onto another subject.  I felt crushed and abandoned today that he had kept a secret from me, and because I really detest lying.   My anger got pretty bad and I cried and cried just as hard as I did when I was grieving our babies losses.  I felt like I died inside when we lost our pregnancies and today I revisited that place.  I wasn't prepared for the pain to resurface and I wasn't prepared to deal with the emotions.

It has been 9 months since we lost our son Olly and nearly 3 months since we lost Opal our little girl.  I think though what we forget as women is how hard this can be on our partners.  I know its our bodies that go through the physical pain and the emotional pain is quite simply horrendous, but our partners too need to grieve and especially men often feel an overwhelming need to protect us.  After a phone conversation with my husband that was full of tears he told his side of the story.  I know that he didn't tell me about the situation so he could protect me. What I didn't know is the pain he had to face everyday when he went into work having to watch his colleague carry a health pregnancy with a baby that was due only a few days after our was.  He went through that emotional pain and carried that burden for me.  No matter whether his decision was right or wrong, he did it for me and that truly is a husbands love.  Thank you babe.

The good news for today is that us Gypsy's are on the move again but Ill save that for another entry soon!

Tammie J
The man in question? Posing in front of a super yacht, Auckland - New Zealand

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