June 21, 2012

Buzz & Me

Something happened yesterday which made me reflect on my relationship with Buzz.  Buzz is my 12 year old Border Collie who we rescued over 10 years ago.  When I first met my husband and moved interstate to live with him after only knowing him a few months I demanded that having my own dog was part of the package.  I never imagined we would find Buzz.  The poor fella was only 12 months old and had already had a really hard life.  Being a working dog he had lots of energy and he caused much chaos for his family at the time.  Buzz had been beaten badly by his owner, run over by a motorbike and had his throat cut from being kept on a chain.  He was advertised through the local paper by the RSPCA and despite the problems they told me about I wanted this dog badly.  Something in my heart knew he was the dog for me and my new partner (now my husband!).  When my husband and I went to collect him we thought he looked like a wild dog with his long coat completely unkempt, and my husband gave me that look of "Are you sure?".  Buzz was named by his first owners after Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story and it does suit him.  Even though he is now 12 years old he will still take off running after anything and it feels like it will be infinity and beyond before he comes back!.  On a serious note my relationship with our special fur kid Buzz has been tested over the past year.  He looked after me and sat by my side when I had all day & night morning sickness with both of our pregnancies.  When I came home from the hospital both times after loosing our babies he sat with his head on my lap and looked at me and snuggled in.   I think of the book Marley & Me which I read many years before the Movie and recall when he talks about Marley the dog comforting his wife after the loss of a baby.  Dogs do know and if we think they don't then we are wrong.

Anyway back to what happened yesterday.  I was doing some back stretches lying flat on my back on the floor and Buzz was beside me sneaking in for a snuggle, a play and a lick on the face.  Whilst I had my legs in the air stretching he laid down beside me and did the same.  We call it "being cute" in our house as he does this thing where he lies on his back with his legs in the air and wriggles around.  We always make a fuss when he does it because its just so damn cute.  It occurred to me at that moment that Buzz & Me had found our closeness again.  Something I have been feeling quite bad about is during the grieving process especially after we lost our first baby Olly I pushed Buzz away.  I think this was because Buzz has obviously become like a child for us and the connection was just too close, I couldn't show him the love and affection I should have.  I continued to feed him, and do all those everyday care tasks but I stopped connecting with him.  It makes me so very sad that I pushed Buzz away but I know he understands.  You may think a post about my relationship with my dog is silly but for those who know the importance of the role that animals play in our lives will be able to relate.  It also highlights that in grief we sometimes do things that we wouldn't normally do, like ignore people, cut ourselves off socially and sometimes have the darkest thoughts.  

I love you Buzz, thanks for being this girls best friend.

Tammie J

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