October 14, 2012

Positively Broken

I'm not really sure where to start on this post.  I ceased the October photography challenge as I became completely overwhelmed by the negativity towards those who had not lost a child.  Sometimes I think it is dangerous for us to try to be amateur psychologists.  Even though the support of the online community for people who have lost a baby or child is amazing I feel sometimes the sad focus can hinder your own healing and recovery.  Right now on October the 15th - International day for pregnancy and infant loss - I cannot help but feel broken.  Broken is the only way to describe the pain in this continual grieving process.  I know my husband is broken too and he wont say.  We are not who we use to be as a couple and no one except those who have been through it will understand.  My husband has always tried to make everything right, to fix everything for everyone.  Right now I just want him to fix himself :-(.  We stood on the beach at Mullaloo, Western Australia yesterday afternoon  like two weak wounded birds and placed some dry flowers on the beach to be washed away in the wild waves.   I am very homesick, miss my family and friends.  I pray everyday this dark cloud will move on from our lives as I know we have been truly blessed, but we just have to remind ourselves of that from time to time and keep positive.

October 15th: Wave of Light

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