January 01, 2013

Bright lights, New Year

These lights hang in the trees outside the Monastery in the town in which we live.   I changed some of the colour to black and white as that is kind of how I feel about approaching the New Year of 2013.  I feel relieved that 2012 is now behind us, well according to our modern day calender it is.  I always get a pit puffed towards the end of the year, all the Christmas hype and emotions that go with it.  The year of 2012 was when we lost our second baby.  I feel like 2013 mentally is a fresh start.  A year filled with new hopes and dreams that may see us both carry and deliver a healthy baby.   We as a couple are not obsessed with having a baby, but it is certainly on our hearts and it is something we would like to add to our lives.   We feel we have so much to contribute the world through the raising and education a child of our own, if we are unable to do that I am sure we are both happy to contribute to the community raising of children globally as we continue to live and travel.  

So I am not really sure if I am a bright coloured light this year or a black and white one.  I long for the innocence we had before our losses but I would also never want to loose the amazing insight, understanding, empathy and self growth we have gained through these two sad years of grief.  We miss Olly & Opal everyday.  There are so many things that happen that remind you of them daily.   Its still sometimes hard to celebrate other peoples children but we are getting there.   The healing we came to seek in the Monastic town in which we live and work has not existed.  Instead we have entered a rather harsh and hostile environment that has been challenging to say the least.  Sometimes you wonder how much character building do we need?  I guess as long as the Universe wants us to grow there will be many challenges ahead.  

I have a special prayer for 2013, for my beautiful cousin who is courageously fighting terminal ovarian cancer is able to experience peace both physically and spiritually.  I don't want her to have lots of pain and I pray her husband and children can treasure every moment she has.  It breaks my heart that someone who is 39 with a gorgeous family can have such a battle.  We all know people who have these battles and as we get older and experience more of life we realise these battles are a part of life.  It is how we chose to take on these battles that truly defines who we are.  My cousin has displayed a bravery and grace that would put most of us to shame.  

May we all make everyday of 2013 special.  Not just celebrate New years, carry on endlessly about Christmas etc but treat everyday with the reverence and respect it deserves.

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