January 25, 2014

Happy 2nd birthday lil man

Our little man Olly would have been two years old today.  Amazing how fast time can move but how it can also feel like forever.  Some days I just feel like I will still never breath again. My mind goes right back to that moment when the Dr said,  "I'm sorry I'm not seeing what I should, your baby has no heartbeat".  The memory of the shock and distress of that moment has not diminished, nor should it.  You do not experience those moments in life to forget.  They are experienced to make you grow and develop as a human being.  Of course no one would choose to experience loosing a baby or child but it does make us who we currently are.

I was lucky to have my sister staying with us for a week during our summer holidays and she was able to be here on Olly's birthday which was a welcome distraction. I do want to remember him with all my heart but I want to celebrate not commemorate his life.  I want to show joy not lay around and think about what could have been.  On reflection I have no doubt that Olly saved my life, he saved me from myself, what a gift.  Now the countdown begins to the day I lost his sister which is only 4 weeks away. December to February are a full on time with a lot of special dates but really every day is special.  I remember you everyday Olly, you are part of me, part of my DNA and I feel you in every heartbeat.  I would give anything to have you here, to feel your heart beat and movement again but I cant.  Have a Happy Birthday buddy xox 

January 16, 2014

A Bushfire close to home

Hello & welcome to 2014!

We have only been settled into our new abode for a bit over a month now, and a few days ago it was threatened by an out of control bushfire.  We have had a week of extreme heat with temperatures over 40 degrees plus, that combined with dry storms and lightning our state has had hundreds of bushfires.   Our small coastal community of 8 houses was evacuated early.  My husband was at work so I knew he was safe.  As luck had it I was 650 kms away in our nearest capital city packing up our old house ready for removalists.  It nearly was a case of the removalist truck would be arriving at a house that could have been burnt down.  By the grace of God and the hard work of our emergency services our little community was saved from the fire.

It was a day where my heart was in my throat as we waited to hear if the fire that had burned out of control for 4 hours had been contained.  I feel very very thankful.  As I write this there are still many fires out of control and with extreme heat and wind today it's an anxious time.  Tomorrow I have to do the drive back home, through some areas of bushfires so that may even hinder our travel.  Growing up alongside a volunteer firefighter (my dad) I guess it is all very real to me.

All this has reminded my how quickly things can change in our lives that are completely out of our control.  It has re-inspired me to live for the things that I really want in my heart.  This year I want to give myself permission to thrive and to feel freedom.  These are my two goals for the year.

Photo source: Port Lincoln Times