February 28, 2014

In memory of our baby girl

It's been a big day today.  It was two years ago today we said goodbye to our second baby, our little girl Opal.  Even all this time later I still feel I have not sufficiently honoured you in our lives.  Being within 6 months of loosing our first baby our second loss was just overwhelming and it has taken a long time to process.  We have never loved either of our babies more than the other.  With our second loss we were so sadly more mentally prepared for loss rather than the shock of when we lost Olly.  

I also had a job interview today and it was awful.  It was one of those interviews that from the moment you walk in you feel that you are not what they are looking for.  I have no doubt of my skills or ability to do the job, but I know I just was not the right organisational fit.  I had already been offered another position in the health field and as life plays out I start in that position on Monday so I didn't really need to attend the interview for the other position anyway!  All these changes on such an overwhelming day have helped me to keep in focus the preciousness of your life and the gift you were to us.  Ive had a few tears today but they have been both sad and happy tears.  I know Opal you are with us every step of our days, thank you for being our baby xox Miss you

Image:  CarlyMarie Project Heal

February 23, 2014

Rest peacefully Charlotte xox

On February 22nd, 2014  a vibrant Australian TV personality took her own life at age 47 after a long battle with depression.  I personally was quite devastated. Despite obviously not knowing Ms Charlotte Dawson I admired her strength and passion that seemed to shine through in all her work.  She seemed a fighter and a woman who could really make things happen.  I guess we can all see in her something of ourselves.  Another reason I connected to this sad news story is that I know the place she was in.  I am in that place now, and have been on and off for the past few years.  Prior to our pregnancy losses I had always been susceptible to periods of depression but nothing like the darkness and hopelessness I have experienced over the past few years.  I often think about the easiest way to end this ongoing pain.  People who have not suffered from depression will never truly understand how hopeless you can feel, or how dark the world becomes.  There is no "just snapping" out of it.  I know I have done all the right things in managing my grief and sadness.  I have take time out, seen a professional, talked to friends but I still cannot get through that tough layer of depression.    We all have our problems and I know mine are no less or greater than anyone elses.   I wish Charlotte Dawson much peace, she will be greatly missed.

Charlotte Dawson
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