January 25, 2014

Happy 2nd birthday lil man

Our little man Olly would have been two years old today.  Amazing how fast time can move but how it can also feel like forever.  Some days I just feel like I will still never breath again. My mind goes right back to that moment when the Dr said,  "I'm sorry I'm not seeing what I should, your baby has no heartbeat".  The memory of the shock and distress of that moment has not diminished, nor should it.  You do not experience those moments in life to forget.  They are experienced to make you grow and develop as a human being.  Of course no one would choose to experience loosing a baby or child but it does make us who we currently are.

I was lucky to have my sister staying with us for a week during our summer holidays and she was able to be here on Olly's birthday which was a welcome distraction. I do want to remember him with all my heart but I want to celebrate not commemorate his life.  I want to show joy not lay around and think about what could have been.  On reflection I have no doubt that Olly saved my life, he saved me from myself, what a gift.  Now the countdown begins to the day I lost his sister which is only 4 weeks away. December to February are a full on time with a lot of special dates but really every day is special.  I remember you everyday Olly, you are part of me, part of my DNA and I feel you in every heartbeat.  I would give anything to have you here, to feel your heart beat and movement again but I cant.  Have a Happy Birthday buddy xox 

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